On Self-Doubt, Over Indulgence, and Strong Umbrellas…

So I did something stupid the other day.

I started writing a blog post that had an actual theme and sense of direction…and then I thought it was stupid and I erased it. And then I thought about it today and realized there are many more stupid things on the Internet than my thoughts on inspiration (which is what the blog was about).

Yeah, the Internet is full of useless, unwarranted opinions and ideas, but unless I write a blog post that says, “sigh…” or “I wish I wasn’t sick,” then I’m really not doing any harm, right? And I suppose if I’m not making it any worse, then I should just post what I want?

What I’m getting at is that self-doubt is one of the worst deterrents to creativity…and it’s kind of my downfall. If you’re going to pursue something creative, you have to put yourself out there and not everyone will agree with you, or like what you do, or find any value in it. But I think there’s value in taking that plunge, because a lot of people aren’t willing to do that.

The Internet is the biggest audience available to everyone, and it’s so easy for people to be critical on here. Not that anyone is going to come across my little personal blog, but I guess it terrifies me to think that someone would come on here and call me out on being wrong/stupid/wrong/uninformed/wrong….yeah I really don’t like when people flat-out tell me I’m wrong unless it’s some concrete fact that I’ve flubbed. It comes from past experience of trying to put my two cents in on forums and comment sections that I didn’t know were unofficial exclusive clubs. I digress.

I realize that everyone won’t find what I say interesting, but I guess they don’t have to read then? And so that’s why I thought I would give you all this super important vital information tonight.

If you ever visit me when I haven’t planned to have people over or didn’t plan on staying in with visitors, then you’ll know that I rarely have snacks in my apartment. I always tell people it’s because I’ll eat them all very quickly, and they laugh and say something like, “don’t we all!” No, I don’t think we all do like I do. I decided to indulge during my last Trader Joe’s visit figuring it’s better to treat myself to a snack rather than going crazy (even though it’s been a LONG time since I’ve bought snacks), and when I saw their caramelized onion dip sitting there looking delicious on the shelf (and it reminded me of this dip that I make using reduced-fat items rather than fat-free ones that can make things taste fake), I had to do it. You can’t have dip without chips, so I opted for their crinkle-cut salt and pepper chips.

I bought these on Sunday…that BIG bag of chips I bought is now halfway gone…I ate most of them tonight.

You know, if you have to stay late at work for an event and don’t feel like cooking when you get home, it’s not a good idea to just go at that bag of chips like they’re Ryan Gosling (even though I’m pretty sure he would say, “Hey girl, I can tell you’ve been working out, why don’t you take a night off and treat yourself”). Because as you eat them faster and faster and add more and more of that delicious onion dip to each chip, you’ll start to realize that you’ve eaten so many that they’re starting to make you ill, and then you’ll be thankful that you’re not expecting any company because your breath definitely smells awesome now.

You also shouldn’t follow up that chip fest with something sweet, especially if that “something sweet” is a package of pink Peep hearts, even if they’re also delicious, because you WILL regret this combination. Seriously, I just brushed my teeth and stuck out my tongue and found it to be cartoon pink. And then I thought about the mixture of all the things I ate and once again felt ill.

Other things learned tonight: don’t paint your nails if you don’t have time for them to dry before you take a shower. In my defense, it was a dire nail painting situation. I have this gross nervous habit of biting my nails unless they’re covered in polish, and I must have been really nervous about something (perhaps that I wouldn’t get enough chips in my diet?) because my nails are dang short. So I took a break from writing this, watched a DVR-ed episode of New Girl and painted my nails without really looking at my nails because Zooey Deschanel is so damn charming, and it resulted in some gloppy looking blobs at the tips of my fingers. I fixed it up, added a gold accent nail to each hand of freshly painted black nails, added a top coat and then brushed the dirt off my shoulders because I was pretty proud of it all. Then half an hour later I took a shower and it all went to hell.

So now my nails look like I had them done by a five-year-old. Don’t get your nails done by a five-year-old.

Another lesson I learned today, but in a positive way? If you’re going to live in New York, get a sturdy umbrella. I have the best umbrella of all time, and it’s from Wal-Mart of all places. It’s clear and bubble-like, so I can pull it down to the point where it touches my head and still see where I’m going. It also doesn’t get annihilated by the wind, and it proved itself tonight while I walked to the train in freezing rain and strong wind.

That pretty much covers all my important life lessons for the day. Hopefully you can all learn from these egregious mistakes. Oh, and don’t forget to put yourself out there. We can only grow from it.


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