On Procrastination…

Remember yesterday when I was crazy productive?

Yeah, we’re no longer in Productiveland.

I thought it would be easier to write this speech for work while at home (after working a full day at the office), but there’s just so much around me that I’d rather pay attention to. Did I mention that the first draft of the speech is due tomorrow?

No worries, about 75% of it is done. So I’m not completely screwed. But man, when writer’s block strikes, it hits me hard. But I am writing right now…

But I can’t write a speech like I blog. Especially for a top executive at my company, who is a male and doesn’t talk like a 24-year-old girl. Maybe we should just get Lena Dunham to read the speech. Hell, let’s have her write the speech too!

So I started off with the best of intentions tonight. I got home and turned on my computer and ordered plenty of food to power me through a killer speech. And then the Internet happened, and before I knew it I was trawling around Buzzfeed like it was Disneyland Paris (which I have never been to and have researched extensively. Ask my freshman year roommates).

And then I turned on the TV because I couldn’t have complete silence and, lo and behold, Say Yes to the Dress was on in marathon form. Marathon. I can’t resist this show. I will watch episodes over and over. Part of it is seeing girls try on dresses like they’re doing it for me? Like, “oh that girl is tall and skinny and that dress looks amazing on her. I’m short and stout so we can cross that one off the list.” I’m more partial to the Atlanta edition of the show, and would love for Lori and Monte to be my future bridal fairy godmothers, but I’ll watch whatever version TLC is currently serving up.

Oh yeah, I’m not even engaged.

By the way, my food arrives during this time and rather than fueling me, it distracts me because I don’t want to get pizza grease on my new computer. I also ate a meal suitable for carbing up before a long run. News flash: I’m still sick and definitely not going on a long run tomorrow…but now I definitely should. Maybe some yoga instead (though I’m not sure how I’d fare in an exercise that focuses on breathing when I currently can’t).

I then looked at the speech, took out one line, hit save and continued on my procrastinating.

Whenever I watch Say Yes to the Dress, my next move is to log on to Pinterest and start planning the wedding of mine that won’t be happening for years. I start by looking at what everyone I’m following has pinned, and then make a beeline for the Wedding section. And then I get bored quite fast because I’ve seen all these pins and no one is adding anything new. And I’m sick of seeing all these cutesy rhyming things at weddings. I don’t want rhyming.

At this point my cat curled up in his new favorite spot that shouldn’t be his new favorite spot. I had visitors this weekend and after folding up my futon, I left the sheets on the bottom half and the visitor pillows on one side of the futon. The cat LOVES laying on the pillows. Sadly, these can’t stay there forever. I think he’ll get over it because, you know, he’s a cat and this apartment is his lounging oyster.

Mind you this speech still needs to be written.

I gave it another go before starting this entry. I added maybe two more sentences? And then I collapsed on the couch and rolled into a ball, looked at my cat and said, “I can’t do this!”

And he looked at me like I’m crazy.

You can try to make me feel guilty in saying, “Brianne, you should’ve started this earlier.” But I did! It’s 75% done! And then I found out this week that the first draft will be due Friday, and I panicked! Have you ever tried writing when the words just won’t come out? I imagine it’s a lot like child birth, but with fewer stretch marks. I mean, I can write a really crappy speech when forced to, but the goal is to do it so well the first time that my boss will say, “don’t change a thing, this is PERFECT, ” and I’ll walk away while brushing the dirt off my shoulders.

But this is writing, and the first draft is never perfect. And the first draft my boss sees will not be my actual first draft. It will at least be my third.

Why can’t writing speeches for someone with more life and work experience than you come out as easily as a blog entry? Don’t tell me, “because life’s not easy.” That’s a stupid and easy excuse. I think the audience might find my style of speaking slightly more interesting, but as it sounds like a 24-year-old on her second year on the job, it wouldn’t be all that trustworthy now would it?

Think it’s time to get to business? You’re probably right.

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